“May the New Year bring you new strength, new hope, and new dreams.”

― Lailah Gifty Akita, Pearls of Wisdom: Great Mind

I always look forward to New Year’s. When I was younger, I loved the big celebration, getting dressed up, champagne toasts, and staying up long past midnight. I always made a list of resolutions, filled with all manner of goals and plans for the year ahead. Now, as I am a “bit older”, I find I have become more reflective and less interested in the party scene.  Also, I am usually in bed and asleep well before midnight. Back then and now, I really enjoy looking back on the past 365 days and reminiscing about all that happened. Older me really loves wondering about all that lies ahead. Now, the anticipation of a new year feels like a blank canvas where anything is possible. It seems exciting, new, fresh, and full of opportunity.

These feelings of excitement and wonder about the new year have not always been present for me. My younger self spent a lot of time taking stock of what I thought I had failed to accomplish during the past year. My New Year’s resolutions looked more like weighty to-do lists of big goals, usually born of trying to fix what I perceived as my mistakes from the prior year. It seems ridiculously obvious now that my goal-setting was based on a negative, limiting, or deficit mindset. My reflections on the past year were usually centered on whatever I thought needed improvement from the previous year’s list. Also, my lists were not particularly specific about how I would actually complete the undone items.  In short, my reflection practice was pretty defeatist and vague from the start. A list of perceived failures to fix, with no clear roadmap to address them, seems like a recipe for failure from the beginning. The only thing that building my resolution list with “carry-overs” from the previous year guaranteed was continued “failure”.

It never once occurred to my younger self to add anything about peace, calm, or love. Neither did I ever think of New Year’s resolutions as a mechanism to let go of things that no longer served me from the past year. Now, with some age and experience, I am a little wiser. I have adopted a different approach to thinking about the coming new year. I still love looking back on the past 365 days, but now it’s more of a celebration, focusing on the good stuff. My plans for the new year are rooted in self-love, kindness, and positive growth, not in the brokenness left over from the previous year. I also reflect on what worked and what didn’t as I make my new list of resolutions. Now the contents of the list are much more introspective and gentler toward myself. I take a much more holistic approach to evaluating myself, the past year, when planning for the year ahead. I am more loving toward myself when I notice mistakes. I try to see them as opportunities for learning and new growth, and I no longer carry them over year to year.

Our culture can make it hard to create more positive, expansive resolution lists. Everything we hear and see about New Year’s resolutions seems focused on fixing ourselves in some way; ie, lose weight, get more fit, be a better partner/parent, make more money, save more money, etc. Self-improvement is always a worthwhile pursuit. But it should not come with guilt, shame, or self-punishment for “not achieving,” especially if we have added these goals to our resolution list without identifying clear steps to achieve them. We also often forget to consider how to cultivate happiness or joy for ourselves in the new year, beyond the party vibe on December 31. After all, what is the point of doing all the things on the list if they don’t also bring us joy and happiness?

As you reflect on the year that has passed and contemplate your plans for the year ahead, I invite you to ask yourself a few questions. Are you being a friend or foe to yourself? Will your resolutions benefit you? Are your new goals rooted in a deficit mindset, or in the spirit of growth and learning? Are there any unhealthy habits, limiting beliefs, or energy-draining commitments you might consider letting go of because they no longer support the direction you want to go in your life? I encourage you to be gentle and kind to yourself. Let go of any expectations for perfection. Spoiler alert–none of it will be perfect, so just take that off your plate now. Setting unrealistic or overly ambitious goals can create a painful cycle of disappointment, eroding self-esteem, and heightening stress. Instead of taking an all-or-nothing approach to setting goals for the new year, aim for small habit changes and clear, achievable goals that support positive progress rather than chasing achievement. Make space for self-reflection and pay attention to where you expend energy. Try to cultivate growth, joy, and equanimity in the new year by engaging in practices and experiences that nurture them.

Remember, your resolutions should be tailor-made to encourage and support positive change for you. Look for the glimmers, the little good things around you, and express gratitude for what you already have. I wish you all a new year filled with laughter, wonder, and love. May your hearts be full and your days be mostly happy.  Happy New Year!