A few years ago, my husband and I spent five weeks traveling around Southeast Asia and Indonesia. The trip was truly life-changing and well outside our usual travel comfort zone for several reasons. First, we were traveling with a group of friends, which we don’t usually do; second, the food, language, and culture are vastly different from those in the West; and finally, it was the most extensive, most convoluted trip we have ever taken. All of these differences meant the journey might be challenging. But early in the trip, we met an amazing Thai guide who, during an early morning overview of the day’s plan, reminded us to use the “F word”. We all looked around at each other, kind of stunned, thinking perhaps there was a translation error. Then she said, with a wink, “You know: flexibility.” We all laughed, but she is not wrong. Being flexible on trips and in life makes life easier and more enjoyable. Throughout our trip through five countries, we had many opportunities to be flexible with expectations, food, language, and schedules, and our experiences were so much richer because of it.

That guide’s words have stayed with me ever since this trip. Often, we find ourselves locked into a particular routine, mindset, or set of expectations about ourselves, our lives, and the world around us. Being stuck like this is limiting in so many ways. And this rigidity can cause us to miss out on the true goodness and magic of life. If we can’t remain open to the richness of unexpected experiences and surprise opportunities, we can inadvertently limit our own growth, live too small, and miss our true potential. Maintaining a flexible mindset is essential because it helps us roll with the unexpected twists and turns of life. Being adaptable and resilient when life is turbulent helps reduce stress and build problem-solving skills. Flexibility fosters creativity and makes you more open to different perspectives, new ideas, and alternative solutions.

This brings us to another F word: fear. Keeping a flexible mindset does not mean going so far out of our comfort zones that we ignore our boundaries and safety. But it can mean getting comfortable with a certain amount of worry and uncertainty. Fear is not always a villain. Fear helps keep us safe from harm, but fear can also overreact, causing us to retreat. To combat fear of the unexpected, aim to cultivate curiosity instead. Ask questions and look for new insights or ideas. Try to embrace “not knowing everything” rather than running from it. There is freedom in letting go of the things we can not control and simply embracing the reality right in front of us. We can feel disappointed when things don’t go as planned, but getting lost in that disappointment isn’t helpful or productive. Reframe challenges with more positive self-talk, such as introducing the word “yet”. For example, the sentence  “I can’t do this.” shifts to “ I can’t do this yet.” This subtle change makes room for the potential or possibility of growth. For more intense feelings of fear around uncertainty, pausing to take a breath and ground yourself is very helpful. A brief pause can also slow down the default-mindset machine and make room for a reset or reframe. Another benefit of pausing to ground and think is that we can more clearly evaluate the immediate situation, including identifying potential dangers and making room for opportunities. When adopting any new way of doing things, building change takes time and practice, so be patient and self-compassionate.  As always, look for progress rather than perfection.

Practice flexibility every day, in big and small ways. Drive a different route home. Try something new on a restaurant menu. Roll with unexpected schedule changes. You will build resilience, creativity, and adaptability. In the words of Sheryl Crow’s song titled “Soak Up the Sun, “It’s not having what you want; it’s wanting what you’ve got”. Sometimes this can take a little reframing, a little emotional management, and a little acceptance. If you can approach life with a more flexible mindset, you might be surprised where it takes you. You might just find that getting off the beaten, well-known path and onto a different path can take you toward a richer, more fun, and fulfilling life.