My friends have made the story of my life. In a thousand ways, they have turned my limitations into beautiful privileges.— Helen Keller

Friendship, especially women’s friendships, has been on my mind lately. Two recent occasions with friends have focused my thinking on what our friendships really mean to us. Friendships, long ones, short ones, and everything in between are critical for our sense of community, connection, and overall well-being. Our friendships help to keep us centered and grounded, remind us of who we are, and help us through good and bad times. Women’s friendships in particular, I think, are where our life stories, our secrets, and our identities are held. Our close friends know us completely, even the parts of us that we might dislike, and love us anyway. This unconditional love reminds us how to love ourselves. 

The first occasion happened a few weeks ago. I attended a retirement party for a dear friend’s husband.  Some of my inner circle of women were there as well. We have been “every day” friends for about twenty years. By “every day” friends, I mean we talk or see each other almost daily. We raised our kids together, cheered for each other’s success, wiped away tears during difficult times, and shared countless moments in between. I am forever grateful for the laughter, honest conversations, and support I have experienced with these amazing women. They truly know me and love me anyway. This kind of friendship is not always easy to come by, and I treasure it. We consciously nurture it, now the kids have grown up and left our nests, and some of us live in different places. We may have bonded over raising our kids side by side in the trenches of parenthood, but the true gift is that we remain close friends well beyond that time. 

Just after the retirement party, I had lunch with an old friend from high school. We figured out that we had not seen each other in person since 1986; that’s 40 years! Thanks to the power of social media, we reconnected IRL, as they say. We picked up right where we left off all those years ago and took great joy in hearing about each other’s lives since high school. There was no competition around accomplishments, just genuine interest and curiosity about how we had each spent the past 40 years. I was kind of amazed at how easy it was to talk and laugh together again. We attended a boarding school for high school. I think living and going to school together for four years brought our classmates and us closer than if we had been at a day school. We have an intense shared experience that bonds us. Childhood friends are different, but they still play an important part in the experiences that form our identities because they knew us as we were forming ourselves.

Like most of us, I suspect, I have different friend circles, and I am grateful for all of them. Some friends are more peripheral, like my gym friends or ski friends. We have shared interests that connect us, and friendships are nurtured through the mutual joy of shared activities. Others are friends from jobs I have had over the years. We enjoyed close bonds while working together and remain in contact, though not all the time. I still value their perspectives. Still others are childhood friends with whom I am in touch, but not daily. My childhood friends hold a big part of my story, and it’s certainly fun to reminisce about the crazy (and sometimes stupid) stuff we did as kids. And then there are my kindred-spirit friends, my closest circle. These friends are the ones who really know me, see me, and love me. And the feeling is mutual. We can tease each other mercilessly, laugh until we nearly pee, and we always have each other’s backs out in the world. These women are my “sisters by choice”, my “ride-or-die”, call in the middle of the night, friends. They are brutally honest, always supportive, oh-so-funny, and I trust them with my whole heart. We need all these types of friends to continue growing, learning, and flourishing, but the inner circle forms the bedrock of feeling validated and understood.

Building and maintaining friendships across all our circles, close, work, reason, or season,  is important to our emotional and physical health. It’s the place where we can learn and grow, try out new ideas, hear honest feedback, feel connected to something bigger than ourselves, and, of course, feel loved. Our friendships hold the stories of all versions and stages of ourselves. Female friendships, in particular, are very strong and supportive. Our friendships are vital for reducing stress, fostering deep validation, building resilience, and empowering growth. Our friendships help us become the best versions of ourselves. A few times in my life, I have had to part ways with friends. Although these experiences can be sad, they can also teach us a lot if we are willing to learn. When this happens, it is because we have grown or moved beyond the common ground. Sometimes we change, or perhaps they change so much that we can no longer support the friendship. Sometimes life lessons are hard.

In our busy lives, we can forget to nurture these valuable connections. At times, we can take them for granted, assuming that they will always be there for us even when we fail to tend the connections.  And often they are there for us, but it is critical that we make time and invest in keeping these friendships going, especially the inner-circle friendships. Don’t forget that tending to our friendships includes being accountable for our mistakes and mending those wrongs. Foraging and maintaining friendships are not only good for us on so many emotional and physical levels, but also for our friends. Take care of your friendships, close and not so close. Whether those friendships were formed through shared experiences, a job or hobby, childhood, raising kids, or countless other ways, those connections are invaluable. They are one of life’s greatest treasures. So, today I challenge you to call a friend, reconnect, and remind them how important they are to you. You will feel your heart grow, and you will most definitely make a friend’s day brighter.