Well, I've been 'fraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too.  -- from "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac, 1975

This week in Lake Tahoe brought the first whispers of fall. The air felt a little crisper, the wind a little stronger than our typical gentle summer breezes. And so begins the change of seasons, somehow always surprising and not surprising to me all at once. Of course I know the seasons change, and yet somehow I never feel ready for this inevitable planetary shift. I yearn to hold on to the current season “just a little longer”, to wring out a bit more fun, activity, or whatever. This week was no different. But it also got me thinking about change and how we humans deal (or don’t deal) with this ever-present part of our experience.

Lately I’ve been feeling the seasons of life more profoundly, and not just because I can feel fall coming; I have aging parents who need some support. The recent passing of Dolly Parton and Gloria Steinem, both women I admired and was truly inspired by, has also reminded me of life’s changing seasons. In my mind’s eye, my parents and these two amazing women have always seemed larger than life, strong, vibrant, and indestructible, and yet they aged anyway. Time passes, and life changes. One of my adult kids recently told me I am “not allowed to get older.” Obviously she knows this is wishful thinking, but I certainly understand the sentiment. We want some things to stay the same, never change, so we can hold onto the moment or experience forever. But the truth is that clinging to a moment, person, or place does not stop change. Things change regardless of how we feel about it. Time does not care about our feelings.

Just like the seasons, the daily shift from day to night, and aging, change is inevitable. Change is one of the only true constants in our lives. Whether we want it or not, change is a part of our lives. We can ignore it, fight it, complain about it, or simply accept it, but no matter how you look at it, change is always happening around and within us. But before we get lost down a dark rabbit hole of sadness around our powerlessness over change, I’ll add that change is also transformative and helpful, even, and maybe especially, when it is hard. And if change is an inescapable part of our experience, perhaps practicing ways to manage, accept, and even love it would be useful. Learning to handle change effectively can make us more resilient and flexible, help us ditch unhelpful or even harmful patterns, and offer new and unexpected experiences.

But can we really reframe change into a more positive experience, even when we don’t want the change, or when the change, even if wanted or needed, is really hard? I truly believe we can. Can we embrace change as a necessary harbinger of growth and new beginnings? Reframing how we work through change in our lives might ease some of the powerlessness we feel. While we can’t stop change, we can certainly manage how we react to it. To reframe how we view change, we must first slow down and give ourselves some “think” and “feel” time, also known as time to reflect. When facing change, especially change I did not choose, I try to ask myself a few questions: How am I feeling about this change? What am I holding onto that I might need to let go of? Can I see this change as a new opportunity? And, finally, what do I need to give myself right now to manage this change within myself? These few questions help me sort my feelings and find a path to understanding and accepting change in my life. I will be honest here; this process of reflection can be messy and imperfect. Sometimes I think that’s the point. When we take time to reflect, think, and reconnect with our feelings, we give ourselves the power to manage how we react to the world around us. Slowing down and reflecting gives us time to find a 360-degree view instead of getting locked into a narrow view where we can’t see possibilities and become fearful and angry. Reclaiming this power within ourselves can bring us confidence, courage, and calm when facing change, even really big change.

The very definition of change holds no positive or negative leanings. Change simply means to transform, alter, or modify. There is nothing emotional about this definition. We, as humans, add that special layer ourselves. But how might our lives look if we embraced change as a gift in our lives that invites growth and opportunity? Could we view the inevitable changes in our lives through the lens of the magical and oh-so-talented Dolly Parton’s beautiful words, “The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain!”? I definitely want more rainbows in my life. And let’s remember rain, like change, isn’t a bad thing, and like change, rain doesn’t last forever! We need the rain, and we need change, for things to grow, so enjoy it, run through it, get wet, celebrate it, and love your one life, unexpected and expected changes and all.